Things That Stink: A Real Introduction

• FIFA - This World Cup may have won me over a bit to soccer, but not this piece of shit shoe peddler that has an impact on hosting nations that makes hosting the Olympics look appealing.

Where's the Pitbull song for soul crushing poverty?

• "Real" City Inhabitants - As I was walking around Saturday night through Hayes Valley, I happened to run into a band playing in the middle of the park.* Of course, it being SF, there was a moonchild doing her best Stevie Nicks impersonation in appreciation of the tunes.  After the band finished a couple of onlookers giggled a little at the girl's dancing.  Her friend came flying out of nowhere, "She's a real San Franciscan, she's lived here for 15 years!" No one gives a shit about how long you've lived somewhere unless you are a. a benevolent neighborhood icon or b. living in an active war zone.  To think that you're above judgment because you've stayed in the same place for a while is just like old people thinking they should be respected because they've managed not to croak.  Remember kids, "Age is not an accomplishment, Youth is not a sin."

Maybe Andrew Jackson took this one a little to seriously.

• People who believe anything in the bible actually happened ridiculing Scientologists, 9/11 Truthers, UFO enthusiasts or basically anyone. - It's enough that these idiots who think man was plopped down fully developed by the lord are not only allowed to vote, but to hold office and pass laws.  Seriously, it's one thing if you use the bible as a moral allegory or as a way to focus your faith in a greater good.  It's another to believe that an arabic Jew made a cripple walk, turned water to wine and CAME BACK FROM THE DEAD.  Seriously, how stupid would it be if fans of Captain America ran around claiming that He actually took down the Nazis?  Just because other beliefs haven't had two thousand years for smart power hungry people to brainwash a bunch of suckers doesn't make them any more ridiculous than someone who believes in Moses having a magic battle with the Pharaoh's shamen.

Good thing he was praying to God instead of the kid with the heart ring from Captain Planet

• "Hipster" bashing - Don't get me wrong, I hate that asshole with the mustache with a passion for screenprinting his favorite Wes Anderson moments as much as any other person.  I'm talking about the people that use "hipster" to describe anything that isn't horrible, mass produced or main stream.  It's like some kind of evil Republican viral anti-intelligence campaign.  Bud, Miller and Coors are beer water. Pitbull and the Black Eyed Peas are literally a lobotomy.  They're rebooting the illustrious Tomb Raider franchise.  Sometimes people diverge from the norm because the norm fucking sucks.

Look At This Fucking Hipster

 

Not everything is so cut and dry though, soon I'll get down to some real honest-to-goodness research and more article-y things rather than just a rambling diatribe (although there will be pleeeeenty of rambling diatribes).

*San Francisco makes this previously stinky act enjoyable and unenraging (I think it's because compared to NYC there's actually room to breath instead of having to push past some German family all wearing fanny packs obliviously blocking the sidewalk so they can enjoy some attention starved theatre student performing "Let It Go" on a ukulele.)